So, you want kids?

Indian society has a problem. We somewhat detest the live and let live’ philosophy. Rather we’re followers of the live and let’s tell others how to live their lives’ movement. And true to this ideology, if you happen to be a single person on the slightly northern side of the age scale that begins at twenty-one, it is highly unlikely that you haven’t been asked even once – “So, when are you getting married?”. And even if you somehow manage to run away from that question and eventually with someone you want as your better half, they come up with the next question – “So, you’ve been married for ’n’ years – no kids yet?”. Sadly, there’s nothing much we can do about it apart from silently mouth, ‘Mind your own business!’ Or deliver that witty and sarcastic one-liner we’ve been carrying around.

 

As the father of a 33-month old cuddly, yet at-times overly active toddler, I have my hands full. Pretty much all through the day. Anyone who says that looking after young one(s) is not considered as a ‘job’ in the real sense of the word – kindly get a rectal examination done – your head seems to be stuffed all the way up your behind. Because, trust me – it’s the mother of all jobs. And hats off to every single mother on the planet for making it seem so effortless. I guarantee you – it isn’t as easy as it seems.

 

Ever since we’ve had our little one, there have been times that we’ve questioned the sanity of our decision to have kids. Yes, it is incredibly delightful – sometimes like living with walking, talking, laughing, utterly cute and cuddly teddy. But at times, it is also a rather dreadful experience when neither you nor the kids know why each of you are throwing a tantrum or bursting into tears over something as silly as a broken glass vessel. Yes, it’s a mixed bag of emotions, feelings and experiences, to say the very least.

 

During my pre-fatherhood days, I’ve often mused about this whole parenting thing.

What is it that a kid brings to that already healthy equation of two loving partners who mean the world to each other?

Is a kid necessary for you and your spouse/partner to complete the picture of a ‘perfect’ family?

Or is it because you are really worried about your lineage and that without kids, it may stop with you? Or is it because you love your parents so much that it has been your life long dream to give them grand kids?

 

There were plenty of such questions running through my head when we were trying to decide if we wanted kids. And to be brutally honest, even as we waited for the home pregnancy test unit to show either the plus that would make us jump up for joy or the minus that would just make the optimists in us try again, I still did not know the answer of many of these questions.

 

I got around to writing this post because over the past year, ever since my ‘Daddy Journals’ started gaining a bit of popularity, I’ve had a few friends and readers ask me this question – if fatherhood/parenting is so awesome as you make it out to be, then why aren’t more people taking it to it? I could be plain blunt and answer that question with the charismatic smirk of a know-it-all diplomat and say ‘To each one their own’. And while that as a phrase is as good an argument as any, on a more personal level, I can only tell you what I’ve learnt.

 

For what it’s worth, I’d like to share it here:

 

Do not let anyone rush you into this parenting thing. Because once you’re a parent, your very life as you know it, will change. You will still have late nights – except that the drinking and dancing will now be replaced by a feeling of helplessness while trying to figure out what a confused little soul wants. Oh, did I mention a confused ‘crying’  little soul? Enjoy.

Parenting is complicated. It always will be. People will try to ‘un-complicate’ it for you, but remember this – only YOU can do that. Because every kid (yes, even each of your own) is different.

There are no shortcuts or right ways to parenting. And no, there are no coursebooks. It is mostly a learn-on-the-go kind of practical lesson and you must be open to trying out what best works for you, your partner and your kid(s).

Having kids is like trying to eat your favourite ice cream while trying to navigate a heated obstacle course filled with LEGO bricks and other every day objects. Yes, if Daddy Journals ever got made into a movie, LEGO bricks would play the supporting cast.

If you’re lucky, until they grow up and are ready to clean after themselves, every day will involve either dirty diapers, poop-y behinds, sniffling noses, watery eyes, various bumps all over the body, chipped tooth, messy clothes, wiping drawings of Picasso off various surfaces such as walls, tables, sofas and sometimes even your favourite white shirt, projectile food and picking out stuff from your hair or pockets and being held to ransom over going to bed and wanting to play.

If you’re extremely lucky, you may get to see all of these in a single day. Sort of like the weather in magnificent England.

 

However as with everything in life, parenting has this balance which you must experience to see the blissfulness.

Like in my case, I was happy as a person before I met my wife. But having her in my life gives it a whole new meaning – a new dimension of happiness that I cannot begin to describe. And with my little one added to the mix, I’m now happier than ever. For it is a strangely humbling experience to realise that you will do everything in your power to make your kid’s life as perfect as you possibly can.  And despite the constantly messy, confusing and exhausting life that I have now, I am richer and feel more loved than ever before.

 

Plus you have the perfect excuse to eat ice cream almost all the time and play with toys and video games.

Jokes aside, there is no right or wrong answer to why you would or wouldn’t want kids – there are just careful, deliberate choices. So if you do end up having kids, make sure you give them the best you can. And if you don’t want kids, well, you can always be the fun uncle or aunt – all the fun but not much of the pain.

 Image courtesy - shutterstock.com

Comments

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Hi Parul,
      A warm welcome to my humble online world. Society loves to poke their noses everywhere. And one day, someone is just going to cut it off 🙂
      Glad to know the post resonated with you. Hope to see you around here.

  1. Vinitha

    Loved reading this one, Sid. Absolutely agree with your views. People will keep asking no matter where in life we are. My son is 5 now, I have asked about the second one since he turned one year old. Absolutely hate such questions. Thank you for a hilarious and honest read. 🙂
    Vinitha recently put up this awesome post : A Sneak From The Past – 6My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oh yes, Vinitha. I know that ‘question’. My son is about to turn three and people are already harping on about how he will feel lonely 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

  2. Ankita

    a nice read! one of my cousins (in mid 40s) is childless. He and his wife are sick of nosy relatives offering unwanted solutions. rightly said, it is a very personal thing and to each his own.
    Ankita recently put up this awesome post : Mr. Litterram!My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Indeed it is, Ankita. And people should really keep their noses to themselves instead of poking it into the business of others. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment 🙂

  3. Pixie

    Ah! Yes.. the joys of being part of an Indian society!!

    And yes, Kids are an important “job” as you have put it.. But, your little one is a bundle of joy Sid and touchwood – you guys are good for each other.
    I say that because irresponsible parenting makes me want to smack parents!

    Loved this post of yours.. made me smile and pls pass on my tightest hugs to Little Ri 🙂

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Yes, the joys, indeed. But I’m given to believe that it isn’t just part of ‘Indian society’ alone. Possibly we’re just much worse 🙂
      Thank you, Pixie for that. My little bundle of joy can be handful at times, but yes, we live and learn 🙂

  4. Leo

    Not a parent, but loved reading the advice 🙂 Saved for the future, I guess.

    But picking on the first paragraph, I say amen. Been asked that first question many times too many, and have used sarcasm to great effect most of the times in reply. 😉

    Thanks for the smiles, Sid. 😀
    Leo recently put up this awesome post : The Missing Two…My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oh yes! I can imagine, Leo. Sarcasm is a great tool for people like that. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Oh, and you’re always welcome for the smiles

  5. Pingback: The Childfree Life

  6. Anita

    I keep reading posts of people who don’t want kids. And the million reasons to justify their decision. As an added punch to their narcissistic post they make people who have kids look like complete losers who does not have the slightest idea of birth control. I had a baby according to my plan of having one, but this has not occurred to many of such bloggers. I was so sick of reading all that bullshit when I stumbled on this piece. I love this one. Because you know how to put it .
    Anita recently put up this awesome post : The pre-Christmas pickle.My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oooh! A different take on the subject 🙂
      I agree, Anita. While having kids or not can be a personal choice, it doesn’t give anyone the right to ‘put the blame’ on couples who have kids. Or portray their life as one of misery. Yes, lots of things change. and we change along with it. Thank you reading. And really appreciate your comment.

  7. Bikram

    I cant understand for the life of me why our indian society is so interferring, why does anyone want to know when will i get married , if i have then when will i have kids , and if i have them too then what are they doing, where are they studying how are they in studies etc etc etc etc

    Maybe I would have been the same had i been living there , and maybe my thought process has changed since i shifted to uk , dont know..

    BUt I find it annoying when i get asked the questions, I simply answer back to those who ask “how does it concern you”..

    A lovely write up had me in smiles at places 🙂

    How are you doing , long time its been wishing you and family a very happy new year .. and God bless the little one ..

    Bikram’s
    Bikram recently put up this awesome post : Day 19 :- Retail Therapy Not just for Ladies/Women/GirlsMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Yes, Biks. It’s been a long time. I guess being away does affect our approach and outlook a bit. It’s a good neutral outlook, I believe. Just be yourself and do what you think is right when it’s the right time, buddy. Happy New year to you too 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.

  8. ilirianwanderer

    😀 I loved the way you weave in humour into your writing!

    Simple, sweet & honest. A feel good post. Glad I stumbled upon your blog atleast now.

    I dare say both your lady & your toddler are a lucky lot 🙂

    Good wishes to all of you! 🙂

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Psst…I add humor so people don’t kill me 😛
      Jokes aside, it’s easier to express stuff if you don’t overthink it. And I guess humour helps us do that. Thank you so much for your kind words, Pooja. Really appreciate it.

  9. afshan18

    Such a simple sweet post. Mentally I guess No one is ready for parenthood. neither the mother nor father. When I think of it all it scares me to the hell. But when I read a loving post like this I feel it might be worth it 🙂
    God bless

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Afshan, I’ve come to realise that while no one is really ready for parenthood, the same can change you in ways you didn’t expect. The first question really is – Do you want kids? If the answer to that is yes, then you need to decide the time to get into it. Anyway, hope my post helped. Even in a little way – regardless of your decision.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  10. Debbie D.

    You’ve obviously embraced the role of “stay-at-home dad” wholeheartedly, Sid. 🙂 That is admirable.
    If only more people would heed the advice to make a careful, deliberate choice when it comes to having children. We have been happily childless going on 42 years now – neither one of us relished the idea of becoming parents – and have no regrets! Unfortunately, North American society is also hung up on this question and think there is “something wrong” with those of us who prefer to remain childless.
    Debbie D. recently put up this awesome post : NEW YEAR, NEW CREATIONSMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thank you, Debbie. Yes, it is definitely a matter of choice. And I’m quite amused to hear that the ‘question’ exists in North American society too. But yes, I suppose people (in general) like to butt into the business of others and offer their two cents worth. Oh, and yes – that ‘something wrong’ diagnosis – that really gets my goat.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  11. Cathy Graham

    What a great post full of humour, common sense, modesty and wisdom! Good for you staying home with your son. Not an easy job and I commend men who make the decision to take on the stay at home role.

    I have two boys, 19 and 21 and remember those tough toddler days where you wondered if you would get through them. I love your blog and look forward to reading more of your posts. Thanks for making that great BAR badge. I plan to display that proudly on my blog if I can remember how to put it on there with those widget thingies. LOL!
    Cathy Graham recently put up this awesome post : Being Creative Takes Courage and PerseveranceMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thank you, Cathy. And the humour helps in coping with the ‘disagreement’ that society has for going against the set norms. Oh, at this point – I’m just hoping that the toddler stage soon fast-forwards into the stage where he’s happy to do his own stuff. Well, I suppose I’ll look back at this another day and miss it too. You’re welcome for the BAR badge 🙂
      Shailaja should be able to help put the image on the sidebar.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thanks, Shashank. Daddy Journals – well, it is kind of my USP; and the humour keeps me sane 🙂 Nope. There are no manuals to life, kids or even friendship for that matter. We just have to keep discovering new things as we go along. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  12. Vidya Sury

    There really is no right or wrong answer, right, Sid? Except – one thing is certain, when one has kids, do the right thing by them. I’ve felt sad when I saw parents feeling excited when the child came along and then resenting the crap out of them simply because their lifestyles changed more drastically than they expected it to.

    I used to think it was a good idea to stay single and enjoy other peoples’ kids – until I eventually got married at 33 and had my son less than a year later. Now I firmly believe that my life consists of two phases – BV and AV (V = Vidur). Children add a whole new dimension to life. While there are good times and the not so good times, I love that it is human nature to usually remember the happy parts.

    🙂 Loved your post!
    Vidya Sury recently put up this awesome post : That BS called People PleasingMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      No, Vidya. It’s like a trick question 😛
      And you are spot on with your comment – The problem is that a lot of people have the kids but then don’t want to do the right things with them. And yes, the resentment is a big thing. I personally know a couple who spend all their time blaming their twins because life changed too much. There will always be good times and bad times and happy times and sad times – we just need to remember that the kids, while an extension of ourselves, have minds of their own and their individuality too.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  13. Percy Kerry (@percykerry)

    Dear Sid, excellent post. Your writing is both lucid and profound…and your views are very articulate and ratiocinated. That said, your wife and kid are two extremely fortunate people to have a loving, pro-active husband and father like you in their lives :). BTW, I once asked my mom if we could adopt a stray cat. Her Answer: Bringing up a pet is like bringing up a baby…I have already done it twice, and am not ready for a third time 😀 😛

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thanks Prachi. I think if given the opportunity, perhaps, more fathers would like to be hands on with their kids. Yes, it’s difficult because after working 10-12 hours, it isn’t the easiest thing to try and bond with the little ones. But then mothers do it. Working moms, I mean in this case. So why not dads 🙂
      And LOL to your stray cat. Yes, they’re very similar to cats – toddlers I mean.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  14. Pingback: Link Up Opens & Featured member- Sid Balachandran | Blog-A-Rhythm

    1. Post
      Author
  15. Beloo Mehra

    As a non-parent but as an adoring & doting aunt to many nieces and nephews, I am always interested in the deeper question of why do people want kids? There was a time my husband and I wanted them too – not because of any societal pressure or anything, but because of a deeper reason that I understood much later when we were almost certain that we wouldn’t try any more to have kids. I would rather not say what I understood because my experience tells me that the reason doesn’t often sit well with parents 🙂

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Beloo, now I’m curious. To the same question, I honestly have no idea why we chose to have kids. It wasn’t definitely because of societal pressure but I don’t think I had an answer to that question at the point. And neither do I have it now. But in a strange way, having a kid has shown me sides of myself that I never knew existed.

      1. Sona

        Hi Sid,
        I loved your post…So honest and heartfelt! Thank you 🙂
        I was really taken by your response to Beloo’s comment on not knowing why we chose to have kids. I have been looking for an answer within me and also by reading all the articles about joy of parenthood, or joys of being childfree etc and I keep wondering, what is it that I want?
        Anyways, I am happy that your kid has a loving father and wish your family loads of happiness 🙂

        1. Post
          Author
          Sid

          Hi Sona,
          Thank you so much for stopping by. And I hope you find out what it is that you want, soon.
          I have forwarded your question to Beloo, and hopefully she’ll reply.

    2. Sona

      Hi Beloo,
      I would be really grateful to know the reason why you decided not to try for kids, cause me and my husband are at similar cross roads.
      The more we think about it rationally, it feels a little scary to take up the parenthood journey but emotionally thinking it might be the best thing and also both of us love kids.
      It’s really a hard spot to be in and going back and forth with this is really really hard. Maybe we are over-thinking about it but I believe, it’s better to regret not having kids than have kids and regret later.

      1. Beloo Mehra

        Sona, thanks for your interest in knowing what I have come to understand. Like I said, this may not be what many parents like to hear, but one has to be truthful to one’s understanding, isn’t that so? So here it goes. And Sid, I would be interested in hearing what you think about it too, since this has all happened on your blog 🙂
        As for what I understood as the real, deeply psychological reason why people want kids in the first place is more on the spiritual level. I think kids are one’s ego’s extension. Sort of like – a deep-rooted desire of the ego to extend itself beyond its physical boundaries of the body. Nothing right or wrong about that, it is nature’s way to ensure a species preservation and contiuntion. Ego too is part of nature’s mechanism to help the individual grow – in its evolutionary journey on various levels, and the need to procreate is part of that evolutionary journey on the physical-emotional level. Because having a child actually helps the person reduce his or her personal ego simply by the process of becoming responsible for another life, another human being. This is especially true for mothers, I think, who sort of have to die to give birth. What can be more egoless than that?
        But like everything this truth too has its opposite but equal truth. It is also true that having kids gives one more and more reasons to stay entrenched in the ego’s/maya’s illusion – you want to do well for your kids, you want to ensure their good future, you want to make sure all their desires and needs are met, etc etc…and the biggest thing is that kids become the biggest reason for a person not to be able to overcome attachments. People who have children can very rarely have a detached outlook toward their own immediate circle of family, esp their kids. And this becomes a very big struggle for ego to become free of these inner prisons, so to speak. Again, there is no value judgement of any sort here, just an observation based on some spiritual teachings/insights I have come across and some deep personal reflection of my own. For someone more interested in a deeper inner progress – on mental and beyond mental levels, having kids can pose challenges on this level of ego.
        But then again, in India we have had a long tradition of grihasta-rishis (householder-seers), with families and children, who were great spiritual seekers and had great spiritual realizations. Most ordinary folks however aren’t at that level of inner evolution to begin with, so for them the struggle can be enormous especially if they have a very true, real calling for a different path in life. This doesn’t have to be a spiritual calling, this can even be a great intellectual calling (most genuine geniuses in the fields of science, arts, social service were perhaps not really great parents.)
        Hope this answer suffices. And hope the parents on Sid’s blog will not come after me now that I have said it all out there 🙂 My apologies if I have hurt any sentiments or offended anyone. I mean that in all sincerity. But I decided to put this comment here because one person had asked me earlier in a private message. And now Sona’s query. And earlier Sid said he was curious too. So it was better to say it.
        Beloo Mehra recently put up this awesome post : Should Dance Educate? How?My Profile

        1. Post
          Author
          Sid

          Beloo, I had to read, and then re-read, and then re-read it again, to grasp the entirety of the message. And having done that, I think I understand where you’re coming from. And to be honest, I respect that. The quest for soul consciousness is not everyone’s cup of tea and I think you have made quite a valid point. Yes, perhaps having kids is our way of feeding the ego so as to ensure we don’t embark on that journey. Perhaps the larger issue is as Dagny Sol, once mentioned to me – the word Ego sends up red flags in people’s minds. It’s not always something negative; And I guess once you understand that, your explanation makes a lot of sense.
          Once again, thank you Beloo for taking the time and effort to diplomatically put across your answer and I really appreciate that.
          Fellow readers / Parents – if you disagree with anything Beloo or me (or any one else) has said with regards to this topic, kindly remember, your comments are welcome. But healthy discussion. Nobody is trying to force anyone’s beliefs on anyone else.

          Sona – Hope this helps.

          1. Beloo Mehra

            Thanks Sid. Appreciate your thoughtful reply. I am sorry to have made you read, re-read and then re-read 😉 And yes we have to really begin to understand that Ego is not a negative thing. Ordinary mortals that we are, for the most part of our lives, ego can be a positive mechanism to help us individualize our identities if we don’t let the nasty ‘ego-ism’ come into the way. And this difference between Ego as a nature’s mechanism and Egoism as a mental imposition on that mechanism has to be understood. Anyway, thanks again. And I appreciate so much the last part of your response about healthy disagreements 🙂 Enjoy your evening with your lovely wife and adorable son 🙂
            Beloo Mehra recently put up this awesome post : Current Events 7: Thirst to UnderstandMy Profile

        2. Sona

          Wow Beloo, I am really great ful that you presented your point of view. I am in awe of the simplicity of your reply. You sound like a grounded and extremely humble human being. Thank you for your reply!
          May be it’s just a coincidence but just today I watched this movie/ documentary called The Buddha(2010), The story of Siddhartha and your reply felt like an extension to the message in that movie. Please give it a watch, I think you might like it 🙂

          1. Post
            Author
            Sid

            Beloo, I can only reiterate what I said earlier and what Sona has just re-affirmed – You are extremely humble and grounded, and it is a pleasure to read and understand your thought process.

          2. Post
            Author
  16. elly stornebrink

    An excellent post on such an important matter! Definitely, people should ideally decide before they get married if they wish children because what happens if one wants them and one doesn’t? 😉 I agree with you and have said this many times, I think parenting is a full-time (and thankless, i.e., unpaid) job and kudos to single parents for raising their kids, and well. 🙂 And yes, all children will be different as variables such as birth order comes to play. 😉 I for one, decided years ago that I wanted to adopt or foster a child though haven’t, yet; however, I never heard or felt the so-called biological clock nor had the desire to have my own, as strange as that may sound/seem to some! 😉 <3
    elly stornebrink recently put up this awesome post : Birthday Tribute: Letter to My Dead Twin (Part 3)My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oh yes! It definitely is, Elly. And no two children are alike – not even from the same parents. And I support your decision – it needs to come from within, perhaps. Like a calling.. Thank you stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  17. Ash

    The eternal conundrum of the newly weds and the whole society conspires against them till they agree to procreate 🙂 But seriously, loved your post and the reasons you have listed, well non-reasons more like.
    Yes, many times we are happy as a parent and are in awe of the dimensions it exposes us to, but then as you correctly said, you have to be happy as an individual first, sans everybody else in your life. I personally deeply value what I learn through my child, in how my child helps me to be a better person.

    1. Post
      Author
  18. Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life

    When it comes to kids, somehow, everyone thinks they can have an opinion on that regardless of what the couple in question want. I work with kids who would have been better off not being born than being born into families who didn’t want them at the time and ended up abusing or neglecting them. Or sometimes, a couple may have kids to ‘save’ the marriage and all they do is bring an innocent child into a toxic relationship.

    My partner and I don’t want kids and every time I say that people always wonder why and then tell me it’ll be different if it’s my own. We now tell people that kids don’t come with a refund policy so we can’t really try before we buy.

    Kids are a life long commitment. And one that needs to be taken seriously.
    Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life recently put up this awesome post : Lessons learnt from the Overland TrackMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Spot on, Sanch! And very true – no refund polity on that. At the end of the day, each couple and individual has to decide what’s best for them and take that course. The problem is that people sometimes don’t think about it at all. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

  19. Kathy S Combs

    I can quickly confirm that it doesn’t get easier as they get older and acquire hormones and mood swings, and start to form crushes on the opposite sex. Lord! Help me now!! And I thought toddler meltdowns were bad. Calming a 14 year old girl who has decided she is “in love” with him and he hasn’t texted her back…OMG! What is going on with him?? That is the theme at my house. Does he like me? Do you think he does? Should I text him? Will he text me? Enough to drive a sane person to drink. Then the boy finally does text and life goes on until another day….LOL Good luck…babies don’t come with owner’s manuals unfortunately. LOL
    Kathy S Combs recently put up this awesome post : Surprise VisitorMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Haha. I don’t think it ever will, Kathy 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. And yes, if only they came with manuals, right?

  20. AdiTi

    Great to read a Dad’s perspective on being a parent. IT’s usually mothers who are penning down ( or more of those I’ve come across ) so it’s very refreshing and so honestly too. I’m glad I came by and as for your topic . Yup, having children has to be a personal decision at the point when you are willing to let go of one phase of your life and begin a new one. And those who try to keep both while satisfying so called concerned people only end up being and bringing unhappiness all around. Cheers to you ! God bless

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Glad you like the read, Aditi. Yes, i suppose I have a rather unique USP as a work-from-home daddy 🙂 And I agree with you – kids or no kids – has to be a personal decision because it involves a complete re-furbishment of your lives. Thank you, and God Bless 🙂

  21. Aparna George

    I see those Lego bricks are still playing a role at your place :).
    I was nodding my head vigorously when reading your post Sid. Questions about marriage, first child, second child, and then parenting suggestions :P, it never quite stops does it. Here’s to being non-judgmental, incidentally the starting point of my last blog post as well :).
    Aparna George recently put up this awesome post : What are we teaching our children?My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Hehe! Absolutely, Aparna. They are a part and parcel of our household now. The questions never stop. And yes, I just read your post – loved it. The fact that there are still parents who are keen to raise non-judgemental humans 🙂

  22. Keirthana

    Oh no! I am not yet there in the deciding stage but I am there in the phase I’d have to decide soon. So I am trying to wrap my mind around the concept that I’d have to make a choice but frankly reading such posts is kinda scaring me and making me want to have kids at the same time.

    My brother just had a kid and seeing what my sis-in-law and he are going through, my first thought was “I can never do that, maybe I’ll adopt” but then the nephew stares at me with his wide eyes and gives me a little dimpled smile, trying to wrap his fingers around mine and I go into melt-down mode and decide that I’d definitely have kids. God save me!
    Keirthana recently put up this awesome post : Why choose when you can do both?My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oops! My intent wasn’t to confuse you Keirthana, but merely to say that parenting, just like anything else, will have two sides. Some take to it like a fish to water, others, well, we struggle a bit.
      Only you can make the decision and don’t be rushed into making it. And even if you do decide to go down the route of kids, make sure you enjoy coupledom for a good few years before that.

  23. Rekha

    I got married at 22 against our families wishes. Had an abortion after almost a year of marriage. Got into severe depression. And then I was diagnosed with endometriosis, ovarian cancer and both tubes blocked. This left me with negligible chances of conception. People either cursed me or sympathised with me. None of which helped. Five doctors declared me infertile. After three years of treatment I conceived my first -born. My ray of hope after four years of mental torture. As a couple, the husband only wanted me to be happy. With or without kids. But yes, the society and family troubles you and finds sadistic pleasure in doing so. My second one was born two and a half years later. I would have chosen at least six or seven years gap for the second one but this was our only choice because of my medical condition. And now people sympathise with me for not having a boy. Funny! Don’t know when we will stop interfering in others’ lives and be content for ourselves.
    Rekha recently put up this awesome post : The Rotten BrinjalsMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Hugs, Rex. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yes, why can’t people just mind their own business, right? Sigh. Stay strong and wish you and your family all the very best in life and lots of good health.

  24. Alka

    I married at 22 and was expecting at 23. Back then, I was not ready for the baby and the responsibility but now that I look back I don’t regret anything. If at all, I regret not having a daughter. I guess it all depends on your choice and circumstances as a couple. One is always wiser in hindsight.
    Alka recently put up this awesome post : Pants Up,Shades DownMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      And you said it perfectly Alka. I doubt most of us would look back and regret it…but yes, the choice depends and will vary from person to person.

  25. Sreeja Praveen

    Spot on !

    I discovered I was pregnant when I was just 10 months old as a wife. It wasn’t a calculated move, but somehow I pulled myself up and enjoyed the journey to momhood, and currently I’m living my days the way exactly as you’ve described, enjoying the change that has come with it. So definitely, I’m happy about having gone with the flow of time 😉

    But yes, it has to be a cautious choice. And a conscious one, backed by conscience…. ( ohhooooo I’m trying to rhyme 😉 ) People keep asking, and not everyone needs to be answered. We need to take the plunge only if we need to, and only when we’re ready to assume the responsibility for the tiny life ( yeah the cuddly cute teddy or his Masha, whichever comes out of the tummy 😛 ) that’s going to change our lives with a wave of positive cataclysm 🙂

    Thumbs up, Sid. Adipoli 😀 😀
    Sreeja Praveen recently put up this awesome post : Vacation time ! 🙂My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thanks, Sreeja. Yes, pregnancy is sometimes not calculated. But parenthood is not something that we can be trained for either. It usually just happens and it’s a lifelong lesson. Yes, there will be moments when you are so angry and then moments when everything is okay, right? Joys of parenting, I say.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  26. Nisha

    That was a very balanced post. Me and my husband have decided not to have kids. We have thought about it a lot before coming to this decision. But it’s the thing that mostly everyone has and makes you wonder if you will regret not having them. I hate it when people look at us with sympathetic eyes. Since it is not really a done thing, we don’t go about telling people that we will never have them.
    Then again, if you’ve decided upon something then feel confident about it and not let the society worry you!! I’m so glad that atleast we are changing. I can’t imagine what childless couples went through in my parents generation.
    Nisha recently put up this awesome post : Wise Words on a WednesdayMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thank you, Nisha. What bothers me is when society makes an assumption that the couple will have kids and the ‘when’ is just a matter of time. Yes I know those sympathetic looks. But you say it right — the decision is yours and people need to respect that. Thank you for reading and leaving your comment. Appreciate it.

  27. Jairam Mohan

    Funny you picked this topic to write about, since I personally have been grappling with this question for quite a few days, especially on ones when the little one decides to be at her brattiest best 😀

    Well written though, and reading the post, I get the feeling that you would know my thoughts on this subject 😀
    Jairam Mohan recently put up this awesome post : The Black Hill – Mamang Dai – Book ReviewMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Haha, Jai! At some point or the other, we as parents, battle the ‘why kids?’ question. But as you said yourself, it’s a phase and it will pass 🙂 And yes, I know your thoughts on the subject.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  28. Saru Singhal

    No matter how diplomatic it sounds but ‘To each his own’ is a perfect answer.
    It’s something you and your spouse have to deal with – emotionally and physically. It’s one hell of a feeling but it comes with a price, like anything else in this world.
    Saru Singhal recently put up this awesome post : I am no barbie dollMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
  29. ruchira

    haha…it’s not just the indian society, Sid
    I believe even George Clooney was asked at the GG awards…when is the baby coming…lol

    Society is just darn curious about other’s. This “mind your business” mantra holds true for the whole world 😉

    Becoming a parent is not easy cause first one ought to come out of our messy habits to be a *perfect* idol for an infant who from day one checks you out…lol

    Good read 🙂
    ruchira recently put up this awesome post : Home AloneMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Haha…Not even the ‘legendary’ GC was let off, eh? That’s true – I mean, if you’re asked for your opinion, feel free to engage in a conversation. But having kids and getting married – well, they should be personal choices not because someone coerced you into it. LOL @ the ‘perfect’ idol comment – I’ll never be one. Thanks for reading, Ruchira.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  30. Ada

    True. Even though I love kids, it seems to be a burden. Loved reading through it. And yes, I have heard that … ‘When are you having kids?’ Dialog more often than not. It piss me off. However, I had to smile and say some nice things, not to offend them. Gosh, how people love to poke noses wherever they can!!!

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thanks, Ada. People love to poke their noses – i suppose we all do, but we also have that part of our brains intact which lets us decide if we should or not 🙂 Appreciate your comment !
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  31. Shilpa Gupte

    That was a great post, Sid! I have not enjoyed/experienced parenting in the conventional sense, but I have experienced it differently — with my pet dog. Although, it is just not the same, I know for sure. But, this has been a great journey, too! Yeah, at times, I do miss things that others enjoy, but, at others, I feel blessed with what I have! So, as you rightly said, to each one his own. Oh! Did I go OTT? 🙂
    Shilpa Gupte recently put up this awesome post : A battle ends.My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Oh yes, Shilpa. Pets can be quite a handful too. That reminds me – at some point over the last year, I believe I may have even done a comparison between a pet cat and a toddler 😛
      And no, I welcome long detailed comments – it gives me the happiness that my readers are truly reading what I write and not just commenting for the sake of it. So THANK YOU 🙂
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  32. ashwini

    Was readying your post and was reminded of my cousin who that he does not kids .I wondered why? But now after readying ur I felt bad for my cousin as he does not to have child as it would new lease to his which he doesn’t want to enjoy like others do . But Sid I feel sorry for my aunt as she can’t enjoy the joy s of being grandparents irony of life is that those people who want kids they don’t get it . But those you can conceive they don’t want kids.,..

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      It’s a mixed bag, Ashwini. A kid (or kids -*shudders*) is a lot of responsibility and if we wait for the right moment once we’re all settled and ready to have kids, we may well be grandparents. So i think it’s best ‘each one to their own’ concept. But yes, such is life – people who populate the earth just because they have nothing else to do v/s people who want to have offsprings, but can’t. Thanks for reading.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  33. nabanita

    Well what can I say! I have been asked these irritating questions for about 4 years now…And honestly I don’t know if I am or will be ready ever…Sometimes I feel I am..Sometimes I feel I’m not…At times it’s hard for me to imagine the kind of things I would have to keep at the back burner for taking care of a child…I don’t know Sid, I really don’t 🙂
    nabanita recently put up this awesome post : #KhudKoKarBuland: Some forethought to safeguard your dreamsMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Naba, can I be honest? Your comments on my ‘Daddy Journals’ posts were part of the reason why I wrote this post. I understand that irritating questions that we have to go through because society wants to know. And to be honest, we’re not answerable to them. Just to ourselves. My wife and I had kids in our 4th year of marriage – when we were sure we could look after another person. Yes, having a kid will change your life – sometimes for better and at times for the worse. The decision should be between you and your better half; NO ONE,…and i repeat, no one else should have a say.

      Let me give you an example – my wife and I love to travel. We always have. We planned a grand US trip in 2012. That was when we discovered that we were pregnant. And that’s that. That probably wont happen till the little one is off to college now. so yes, we’ve had to put things that we love on the back burner – was it worth it? Yes, at times it is; At times – no. There is no absolute feeling about parenting. Just a mixed bag.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  34. Shailaja V

    Oh bang on! I really think Parenting is an educated choice that people need to make before they decide to have kids. Nobody should tell you that you are ready to have one and more importantly, even if they do, it should not matter to you.

    I can honestly say parenting put me in touch with a side to my character I never knew existed. The frenzied, yelling, scared side that always felt like banging her head on the wall on those days filled with sleep deprivation. But it also brought out this incredible capacity to love another so completely unconditionally and to enjoy that in return. Would I recommend parenting to everyone? Not necessarily. Some people would love it, others would hate it. And that’s okay too.

    It is high time we live and let live. I think we will be a far better society if that can happen!
    Shailaja V recently put up this awesome post : Conversation #MicroblogMondaysMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      Thanks, Shailaja. I agree – it has to be an educated choice. I believe a couple will know when it is the right moment to want to have kids. Yes, parenting is probably one of the best teachers I’ve had to date. It teaches me things that I never thought I would learn or have to go through. But it has also made me stronger as a person. But I know of people who have run away from parenting too. So…yes, it’s not for everyone.

      Thank you for reading.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  35. Preethi Venugopal

    Parenting is a BIG job and definitely it is not for the faint hearted. Most of us enter this world of parenting with a feeling of obligation- someone did it for us, we have to pay it forward!
    But once we become parents, as you rightly said, our world as we know changes overnight. Patience becomes the biggest virtue and multi tasking the norm. 🙂
    Good post as usual Sid!

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      No, it definitely isn’t, Preethi. But the funny thing is – I’m a faint hearted person myself. I didn’t even think I could be in the same room when my wife delivered my little one. But I surprised myself. Yes, I also surprise myself at times when I look at my little one and wonder, what on earth did I do to deserve so much cuteness in my life. Which is soon followed by the feeling of ‘stop messing my house!” 🙂 Patience and knowing to pick your battles – TWO HUGE lessons from parenting for me.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

  36. Rachna

    Very true! There are no simple answers. Having the first one could be because you want to try for yourself what the fuss is about. Of course, once you are in it, there’s no going back. But having the second one, my friends tell me, is downright lunacy because it is so much tougher than the first time around. But now when I look back I wouldn’t want to change a thing. I think being a parent has made me a better person. But then it’s a very personal decision, one that must be yours to begin with.
    Rachna recently put up this awesome post : #KhudKoKarBuland – Raise yourselfMy Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      LOL at the lunacy comment, Rachna. I say once you’re into it, I guess one or two or more, it doesn’t make much of a difference as such. I too believe parenting makes us better people. Thanks for reading, Rachna. And glad you could relate to it.

      1. Rachna

        Oh no, having the second one is a totally different ball game. Believe me, it is way tougher and the balancing act can drive you nuts. The only reason why I feel that it was worth it was because they have each other. Hopefully, they will not kill each other off. 🙂
        Rachna recently put up this awesome post : #KhudKoKarBuland – Raise yourselfMy Profile

        1. Post
          Author
          Sid

          I believe you, Rachna. But yes, that point you made – ‘they have each other’ – will light a million lamps for that’s really true. Though an only child, I always find it depressing when I hear stories about siblings not getting along. Fingers crossed that yours will do you guys proud. After all, they have pretty awesome parents.

  37. Jaibala Rao

    Its not a easy decision to take to make, to be responsible for someone else. But totally worth it in the end, if it is a choice you make. And if they never make this choice, well that is also always good for them to realise that, and not just do something for the sake of doing it or proving a point.
    Jaibala Rao recently put up this awesome post : Pieces Of A Whole…..My Profile

    1. Post
      Author
      Sid

      I agree, Jaibala. Having children just to shut people up or because it seems like the next logical step – well, I’m sure people sometimes do it, but I don’t agree with it much. But once you are a parent, there is no looking back. I suppose. Thank you for reading, Jai.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : So, you want kids?My Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge