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The Young And The Restless

[ 5 min read ]

 There are days when I look at my soon-to-be five-year-old and be awed about ‘how mature he is and how logical his thought process is.’

 

And as I sit there and virtually pat myself on the back for having managed to do a reasonable job with him so far, the mood suddenly changes. From someone who perfectly understands what you’re trying to tell him, to someone who pretends to be dumb – the swings in mood are both amusing and scary.

 

Amusing, if you’re an on-looker.  Scary, if you’re the parent.

You’ve probably heard that phrase –  The Terrible Twos. Well, I did too. And then I experienced it and found out the reason why they call it that. Of course, what I didn’t realise was that it would then turn into the ‘Terrorist Threes, where a lot of things (including the lovely glass Bric-à-brac in my showcase ) would develop a tendency to blow up without any warning.

 

But then again, a lot of people continued to tell me that things would only get better. Someone, even told me that the worst was over. And I believed it. Until he turned four.

 

Year Four too has been one of many discoveries and learnings, much like the ones before. And just like that, I’ve also discovered that my son has graduated from the illustrious League of Ordinary Toddlers to a gang of the Young and the Restless. If you too have kids in this age range, you’ll probably be able to relate to some of these. For the rest, enjoy the laugh. After all, one person’s **** is another’s entertainment 😃

 

You will be subjected to almost-FBI type enquiries, at any point in time. Where did you go? What did you do? Who did you meet? What did you eat? Why didn’t you take me? What did you bring for me? I don’t think even my wife and I have asked each other so many questions about our daily activities, despite having known each other for so many years.

 

 

You’ll find yourself constantly pitted against your partner, despite your numerous conscious efforts and decisions to not say yes when the other one says no. Somehow, they always manage to find the weak link with the precision of a CIA Interrogator. In our home, I am always the weakest link.

 

Your phone calls will be constantly monitored and interrupted by a tiny dictator who orders you around. You will also discover that most of your phone conversations will frequently end with ‘I’ll call you back later, okay?’

 

Remember the time I told you about my adorable little munchkin using the wall as his canvas? Well, the little Picasso has moved on from there. Now, he’s into free art – where anything from the television screen to your white shirt is a possible canvas to express his artistic capabilities. Might be a great time to invest in a painting company.

 

 The moment you walk in through the door carrying a bag – any kind, really; from luggage to just grocery shopping – it will be scrutinised in great detail, and even more thoroughly than the security officer at the airport.

 

 You will also soon discover that they love reading. Yes, they used to earlier too, but most of the times they would just turn the pages of the book and just admire it. Now, they love it when you read to them. The same thing. Over. And over. And over, until you’ll be muttering the lines in your sleep. [Also valid for movies  – *sings the Minion theme song*]

 

At some point, you may also find yourself having to explain to neighbours about how the screaming in the bathroom is merely the result of failed attempts at getting your kid to brush their teeth.

 

Your cardio workout involves running after a tiny human being, trying to keep up with them. And sometimes, you will be holding the pants that they were supposed to be wearing.

 

You constantly find yourself negotiating – from food to sleep. It’s like living with a 3-foot tall salesman, who is damn good at their job and isn’t afraid to twist your arms to get what he/she wants.

 

Time and again, you’ll find yourself sitting outside the loo singing loudly so ‘someone’ can poop; that is when you’re not answering questions about what you are doing inside the toilet and if they can accompany you.

 

You will be always prepared for a tantrum at the most public location that you can imagine – from malls to train stations.

 

You’ll wonder why they have to wait until the absolute last fricking minute to tell us they need to go to the bathroom. It’s always like an episode of ‘Nina Needs to go’

 

The likelihood of them repeating something you said is directly proportional to the kind of the crowd you’re with. The more ‘politically incorrect’ the phrase, the higher the probability.

 

Your idea of a holiday is now having a lie-in and breakfast in bed, without having to worry about anything else.

 

You’re constantly being threatened to be poked in the eye by an object they want you to ‘see’

 

The probability of you wanting a hug from them is inversely proportional to them wanting to give it to you. Prepares you for rejection.

 

And of course, if you do happen to catch them on a good day, put on your most charming smile and ask them why they behave the way they do, you’ll probably get an answer like this:

‘Because I can!’

Suddenly, everything makes perfect sense. Your ‘Because I said so!’ now has a valid counter argument.

 

42 Responses to “The Young And The Restless

  • He he he, I can relate to some of this although to be fair Gy was/is a fairly trouble-less child. As for the interrupted phone calls, that doesn’t stop. At all. Not even when they turn 10. So be ready 😉

    And I TOTALLY relate to the one about repeating things at inappropriate times. Have turned red with embarrassment on the playground many times. Probably why I stopped going to the playground after a while.
    Shailaja recently put up this awesome post : A memorable tryst with tennisMy Profile

  • Haha. Hilarious. Enjoyed reading it.

  • These are all super cute ones and fun to read. I know hard it must be for parents when kids use all their brain power 😛
    What a fun post, Sid. Read it twice and giggled both times. 🙂
    Parul recently put up this awesome post : #WomenAtWork – A dancerMy Profile

  • #2 put a smile on my face – the old divide and conquer trick. Enjoy each journey Sid. Once they grow up and move away, these are the memories that will bring a smile to your face.
    Suzy recently put up this awesome post : Love Conquers All #FridayReflections #BARWoWeMy Profile

  • I commented, and seem to have lost it!
    You do know I don’t understand a single word in your post? I mean, what are you talking about? You seem to be in a world of your own.
    Hahaha! just kidding. Enjoy it while it lasts, because I can guarantee that you’ll miss these terrible twos and terrorist threes quite intensely, even though you may not agree with me now—and will regale anyone who is willing to listen (or not) with lengthy accounts of each memory, omitting no detail, however slight. (Couldn’t resist that!). I think your son is adorable. Life is anything but dull with a kid around! So there are thorns in the rose bush…..so what? 😛
    Vidya Sury recently put up this awesome post : From Nature, With Love #MeAndNatureMy Profile

  • My favorite is the canvas one! Actually, I enjoyed the rest of them too! Sure kids are a task… and all of us who’re without kids are getting to know and learn a lot from your daddy journals!

    Cheers
    Geets recently put up this awesome post : Love quotient… is it still a Question?My Profile

  • Haha. This was such a fun read. Your son sure takes up alot (or all? :D) your time.

    I know of a friend whose daughters drew all all the walls of the house (yep, not room. the whole house; from the floor to whereever they can reach standing on a chair). And they even left noted for the mother everywhere. There was a note near the keyhole with an arrow saying,” Look, open only after that’.
    Nice to visit you over here. 🙂

  • Lol…so many reasons for me to not have kids! 😀 After all this comes the pre-teen tantrums and then the rebellious adolescent years. Prepared?
    Sanchie @ Living my Imperfect Life recently put up this awesome post : Misunderstood #FridayReflectionsMy Profile

  • The Why that pops up after everything you tell them not to do or cannot be done or not now. And then the next Why after your explanation to the first and on and on this goes till ofcourse you snap!! Then feel bad for doing so!!!
    My 4 YO nephew is my current object of affection….read observation – I am spending 3 weeks with him bangalore – I checked almost all the points from your post 😉
    Negotiation skills – man – FBI, CID CBI, 007, mafia – ALL can hang their heads in shame!!! This one starts with, then I wont be your friend or I wont give you choclate or best I will call Dada and he will beat you!!!!! Adorable to a point; breaking point of tolerance!! Wonder what the fives are like???? All the best!

  • Thought of saying, Hey I agree with 1, 3, 5,… and then I lost count… I can say “same pinch and no back pinch” for most of them…
    Hi-five! And cheers to the weekend! 😀

  • Hahaha! The curious and the creative! And I’m thinking of adopting a baby! Seriously!
    I must be out of my mind! 😛
    Kaddu recently put up this awesome post : 10 Lessons I Learnt From Starting My Own Business ~ Ten On TuesdayMy Profile

  • Sid, at 5 they are still adorable and look upto you as God. The bathroom break thing reminds me that my son once wanted to go when the movie was to end in 10 minutes. I have still not forgiven him for that. But, I wouldn’t mind going back to this phase. My elder one being almost eighteen, I have still not stopped fretting over his activities. And at that age, they also think they know everything and do not listen to any sane logic. So, enjoy your son in this phase. It is one of the best.
    P.S. I am not trying to scare you.

    • I knew it! I knew someone would come up with the ‘counter-scare’ 😛
      I know I should enjoy it, Lata – and to be honest, I do. But somedays are just too much to handle. Or rather, I don’t know how to handle, perhaps. But for every such day – we have so many wonderful days too.
      Fingers crossed.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : Are your kids missing out on their last chance to grow?My Profile

  • You know the other day after putting M to sleep (after much effort) , S and I sat down and almost suddenly realised that perhaps our parents wanted us to have kids so that they could enjoy while we go through the crap that they once did. Parenting is tough. I haven’t had a day off since 14th November 2015 and reading your post, I don’t think I’ll have a day off ever. I have realised that it will not get better because these little minions will make us work hard at this thing called parenting.

    Well, what can we do, can’t live without them too. Darn it!

    • As much as it may sound odd that I’m saying this, but you really do need a break. And I mean, some ‘you-time’. I’m sure M needs a sane, happy, smart mummy – not a tired, overworked, unrested mumma!
      It will get better – but it also depends on you.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : The Young And The RestlessMy Profile

  • Yes, yes, yes – to all of it (you know it already!)
    You know I wanted my son to love books like me, so I bought him quite a few books, out of which he likes two. I can recite the stories in those books backwards and forwards and sideways now. I may not have thought this whole thing through. Sigh!
    Sreesha recently put up this awesome post : There She Goes Again, With Her Dancing ShoesMy Profile

    • Hahahaha!

      Trying to make a reader of your kids is an almost impossible task; they pick it up at different times, don’t they?
      And yes, I don’t think you thought the whole thing through 😛
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : The Young And The RestlessMy Profile

  • This is absolutely adorable. Of course only because I’m past that stage. Not to discourage you but as they grow they only get more skilful at pitting parents against each other, the tantrums turn to sulks, the negotiation is for higher stakes and they still coming rushing from the playground like a shot out of a gun and make a dash for the loo. The questioning continues unabated with words you hadn’t even dreamt of. So there. Enjoy the ‘Now’ for tomorrow it will be a whole new story. Oh and I’d done a post on how four is great age to be. Not one of my favourite posts, but it might make you see the positives.
    https://obsessivemom.blogspot.in/2010/09/fun-to-be-four.html
    Obsessivemom recently put up this awesome post : Ten things that just have to be done during examsMy Profile

    • Yes – like I said, it’s adorable when you are past that stage. But then again, I hear scarier tales during tweens 😉 So yes, I’m trying my best to enjoy it for now.
      I’ll take a peek at your post soon too.
      eSid recently put up this awesome post : The Young And The RestlessMy Profile

  • Okay, that made me laugh out loud. Kids are brats. They are angels too sometimes, but mostly they are brats. 🙂 I’ve suffered each one of these. The restroom thing is most embarrassing along with when they repeat stuff to friends/ relatives. It is always a rollercoaster ride with kids. Wait till they turn into tweens/teens, you will look back at this period with longing. 😛

    Hope I get to meet the adorable brat, R, soon. This was a fun read (at your expense). 😀

    • Yes, they are! And yes, they’re angels too – but often the ‘brat-ism’ quite outweights the ‘angel-cycle’.
      Rollercoaster ride is the perfect way to put it; just realised that you haven’t met R yet. Fingers crossed 🙂
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : The Young And The RestlessMy Profile

  • As you rightly said, the on-lookers are always amused: I’m totally grinning out loud right now, trying to imagine what it must be like to be around a tiny tot who’s so young and restless!

    • You’re quite a tiny tot yourself, lady!
      And these days aren’t that far behind for you 😁

  • I wonder why people say things get better and the worst is over once kids cross 5. Parenting woes do not really end..My elder one is 8 and younger one 4.. And I still pull my hair apart trying to get things across to them. soothing them down and just trying to be calm myself. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • No, I don’t think so either. It’s very much like Trump’s #alternatefacts – the truth is something else.

      We are all in the same boat.

  • Oh I can so relate. This parenting thing is hard, and raising an almost 5 year old human has been as exhausting as it has been rewarding. There are days when I am pulling my relatively-scanty hair out, and there are days when I am amazed at myself for doing a semi-decent job at this parenting thing.
    Shantala recently put up this awesome post : Jane Eyre – Book Review (5 stars)My Profile

    • A glass of wine perhaps, sister? 😊
      You’re doing a great job – we all are 🙂

  • My son is also around the same age. And finally we have some peace in the house after his “whatever” fours. I distinctly remember him turning into an unrecognisable monster just the day he turned 4. And we were like what happened. Lucky for us, Vi didn’t do the terrible twos or threes. He made up for all that in his fourth year. And as he nears his 5th birthday, the storm has come to an end. We are back to having our child back from the hands of the ‘evil age of four’. And I am so relieved. He still has outbursts but at least we are better prepared. In kerala, they say ” naalam vayasil natta brande” which loosely translates to “4th year, major madness”. And I am so so happy that in less than 30 days we reach the end of the madness 😉 fingers crossed.

    • How lucky are you guys! Missed the 2s and 3s. Hey – some of us are painfully going through each of those 😁
      Lucky you – Rishi’s 5th birthday is quite soon too, but I still see a little storm on the horizon.
      I’m sure it’s manageable 🙂

      Good luck! And Happy Birthday to Vi in advance.

  • Haha. I’m feelings a lot less angry at my fiends for tellingly me they’ll call me later. Great post Sid. Maybe invest in a sound system for the potty.
    MyBookJacket recently put up this awesome post : Lunarbaboon : The Power Parenting EditionMy Profile

    • If they’re parents to young kids, you should definitely forgive them. For, often it’s almost impossible to get a word in edgewise when they’ve decided that they’ll not let you.
      Sound system for the potty – I am very tempted 😁

  • I was not sure whether to laugh or cry while reading this! Laugh because this all sounds hilarious, cry because it happened to me too. These days I find myself more mentally tired than physically. Oh yes and I am also assuming that the people who say it will get better are just enjoying at our expense, because for sure it doesn’t.
    Jaibala Rao recently put up this awesome post : Paint’s Day OutMy Profile

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