Fashionista? I think not!

Fashion is such a weird and wonderful thing.  And I speak with all the authority of someone who spent hours watching Fashion Tv when it first launched. Though I should also quickly confess that my watching FTv had nothing to do with fashion and all to do with the gorgeous international models and well, let’s say, slightly skimpy sheer clothing. So as I was saying, there are fashion choices that don’t make sense to me. I mean, yes you need to look presentable. But somehow I doubt walking into an interview in a crisp, new suit with a cowboy hat (as they sometimes demonstrate on these fashion shows) will get you that job. Unless you’re interviewing for the position of Head-trainer at a ranch maybe.


Though not a fashionista by any definition of the word, having lived in quite a few metropolitan cities, I’ve been privileged enough to observe some rather strange and  unique fashion choices. Whilst I am not going to go into a detailed report of those, I must say this. Perhaps the stupidest fashion choice I’ve seen so far, is this sudden invasion of the low-rise jeans over the past decade. Also known in my world as either “Wanna see my underwear?” jeans or “Wanna see my bum-crack?” jeans, depending on the kind of (or lack of) inner wear. And sadly this “bum-ster syndrome” as I call it, is something that seems to have affected both genders (and others) equally. Anyway I digress.


I went shopping the other day. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “Now, that’s not a statement that you hear everyday from a man!”. It’s true. I’m not so much into this retail therapy madness. Ok, maybe if I am shopping for gadgets. But for clothes ? Meh. Unless I really have to, I won’t. You see, I’m a rather overweight chap (I prefer the word physically disproportionate or better yet, round. Round is a shape, no?). So finding clothes that fit is, well, an arduous task. No, it wasn’t always like this. But my love for food, combined with a lack of physical activity and a rather severe hypothyroid condition which went undiscovered for several years, all collectively resulted in where I am and my shape today.


Back when I was in the UK, finding clothes that fit was rather easy. In a country, where even the average teenager had a much larger waist size than me, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I actually fell into the category of “normal-sized” people. So in reality, when I suddenly had to go shopping for clothes the very first time since I’d moved back to India, I was quite optimistic. I naively assumed that with so many big brands vying for market share, they would all cater to the needs of people of all shapes and sizes. After all, the labels on almost all the clothes that I had ever bought in the UK, stated proudly that they were made in India. But oh no! I was about to discover a whole new world of shopping pain.


As part of this “impromptu shopping spree”, we decided to try one of the larger shopping malls in Bangalore. All the big brands were under one roof and surely at least a couple of them would have thought of catering to the needs of “large disproportionate” men such as myself. So off I hankered into the men’s section. A bunch of salesmen cautiously approached me with their measuring tapes in tow. “Can I help you, sir?” asked one of them politely. “No, I’m alright!” I replied, sharply dismissing them with a wave of my hand. Kind of made me feel like a king, that act. I was confident that I could find a pair of well-fitting jeans in no time. After all, I knew my waist size and height. What I didn’t realise was that my waist size didn’t exist for most of the “ultra-cool” modern brands. Not one to give up hope, I continued to hunt and finally managed to find 3 pairs that boldly announced the waist size that I was after.  With these tucked under my arm, I marched confidently into the trial room. Alas, my nightmare was only about to begin.


The very first pair I tried on, never actually made it past my “muscular” thighs. I carefully took them off and looked at the size. Yes, I’d gotten the waist size right. But what I’d missed was this tiny little tag on the label that said “Slim Tapered”.  On closer observation, it revealed all kinds of details about the pair, the key one being – “Slim through thighs”. “No wonder they didn’t fit!” I thought. But then again, I was also secretly curious to find out who that rather unique person was, who had my waist size and such pencil-thin thighs. The second pair fared much better. It actually made it to my waist. The problem started when I tried to button them up. I tried everything I could think of – holding my stomach in and even clenching my butt. But nothing helped. And then finally I huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf in the three little pigs, and managed to button it up. By this point, I was sweating profusely and I wasn’t even done yet. I still had to pull up the zip. After another five minutes of unsuccessfully trying to zip up the jeans, I stopped trying. Huffing, puffing and panting again, I vetoed yet another pair of jeans. Or rather they’d vetoed me. All my hopes now rested on the final pair of jeans that hung comfortably off the hanger. It stared mockingly at me, almost daring me to give it a try. Wondering what fresh hell it was about to unleash, I decided to give it a go. To my surprise, it not just made the journey up to my waist quite comfortably, but I was able to button it up well and good without having to decide which bone in my body I needed to break.


Whilst I was standing there with the triumphant look of finally having managed to find a pair that fit me, there was a loud knock on the door followed by a rather melodious “Are you done yet Sid? We need to hurry!”. I smiled and quickly bundled up the “fitting” pair of jeans. But not before I glared at the other pairs that were now hanging off the hooks. “Jeans – Zero, Sid – One” I said out aloud as I quickly walked to the counter to pay the rather exorbitant sum of money for this single pair of jeans.


A couple of days later, 

My wife and I had planned to go out for a nice dinner and I decided that this was the best time to cavort around in my new pair of “branded” jeans that I’d paid a fortune for. Just like in the trial room, the jeans once again, slid up comfortably. Quite pleased with myself, I turned around to look at the mirror to admire my rather snug fitting profile. And that’s when I noticed that my boxers had made an appearance, peeking rather coyly over the waist band of the jeans. Wondering why I hadn’t noticed this the other day, I did what any self-respecting man would have done.  I tried to pull up the jeans at the waist. But no matter how hard I tugged, the jeans refused to rise enough to cover the label and brand of my inner wear. As I frantically tried to think of ideas that would help me cover this up, I noticed a tag on the jeans . In bold red letters they exclaimed, Speciality Low Rise jeans – for the man who likes to flaunt.


As someone who hated (and still hates) the concept of low rise/waist jeans, the irony of the fact that I now had to settle for these sort of jeans, was not lost on me. So what did I do? Well, I did what any sensible man would do. I’m now the proud owner of a number of Calvin Klein boxer shorts. After all, the world says “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!”.Except that in this case, “It” refers to an expensive pair of intimate wear. Fashion is a weird thing indeed.




Let me leave you with this parting image. Tada – the future of jeans 🙂

Image courtesy

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  1. LOL …heehehehee….Oh my! Too funny Sid and yet such a common occurrence for many I presume. I know I have had challenges with raising jeans to my waist and/or zipping them etc. Low-rise jeans on most people – don’t care to see their underwear or ‘crack’ – and super skinny jeans is beyond me! 😉 <3
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    1. I reckon they should just make normal jeans. Or normal clothes for normal people. The rest can have them tailor-made. Thanks for stopping by, Elly 🙂

  2. Hilarious post, Sid. Me and jeans are best buddies. They never gave me a hard time, so I can’t say that I relate to this. But I can totally relate to this when it comes to buying readymade salwars. 🙂
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  3. This is not funny Sid, this is exactly what happens to me when I buy jeans. Haven’t worn my favorite Levi in ages. Now I go to the plus size store and wear regular stuff.
    A post after my heart……. When will India learn?
    Ps… Now my son wears low waist……. every thing. Pudgy guy that he is…. I can’t imagine the future when he actually understands the fashion behind it…
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    1. Oh, I absolutely understand, Indy. It is such a pain. Rather it unleashes a world of pain. And I think it exists much in the Western World too. It’s not like everyone in that part of the globe is thin and fit as a fiddle. We just need to get these so called ‘fashion’ designers to make clothes for normal people.

  4. Thank God the low waist craze has toned down. I say that because, I still see my son going around in low waists and I have to scream saying ‘Pls I dont want to see your underwear’. All said, the ‘Slim fit’ shirts and trousers are specifically made to make us feel guilty and ugly. Waiting for a ‘Straight fit’ fashion rebound earnestly.

  5. Thats a very nice post 😀

    And so true about the jeans.. This low waist jeans challenges the very reason why we wear clothes in the first place. And then there are ‘super skinny’ jeans at H&M.. I dont know what it means… that one has to be super skinny to wear it, or the jeans is super skinny so u cant wear it , or if you wear it there are chances that you may appear super skinny. Most people need comfortable jeans that fits and has shape that suits the gender. Whatever happened to simple needs.

    I am sharing this post… hilarious read it is !
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  6. I too am not very fond of low waist jeans. Occasionally, I have used them under pressure, coming from my roommates and publicly declaring me outdated and sometimes ancient. Eventually, I learnt to bear with them 🙂

    Good luck to you an I hope next time, you find a well-fitting pair of jeans 🙂

  7. Ha ha ha…ROFL!!!

    Sid, I can’t tell you the number of times I fell off my chair reading this post. Such a hillarious one. But yes, pretty honest and true. I loved the “Wanna see my underwear?” jeans or “Wanna see my bum-crack?” jeans. Perfect names. My Dad would love these names as he too complains a lot about these low-rise jeans. His main complaint being, “These jeans are the reason for half of the accidents on the road. They distract.” 😀

    1. Hehe Reks…Hope you’re sitting on your chair now 🙂 Sigh…what has the world come to eh? This is the new normal. And yes, I whole heartedly agree. They are the reason for all those accidents. And boys failing in exams too 😛

  8. Wow. This pretty much sums up my story too every time I go jeans shopping. While, I’m not a low-rise fan on purpose, sometimes, jeans (or any other pant for that matter), just tend to snuggle down and fit right below my tummy mass giving the low-rise effect. This has been happening for years now and so I’m inadvertently a low-rise kinda guy. 🙂

    FYI – I do not flaunt my jockeys. Although it’s out there for the world to see when I bend down to pick something up, I always try and hide them man-undies. 🙂

  9. Thoroughly enjoyed reading your mis-adventures with jeans!! A ‘normal’ jeans is one of the trickiest thing to buy these days and going shopping for jeans never fails to remind me that I am finally old – not wanting jeans with pink hearts or silver bells or ‘i am a diva’ embroidered on them 😀

    1. Thank you themoonstone 🙂 Yes, I’ve come to realise that there is no such thing as “normal” jeans nowadays. And let’s not even go with the “diva” bit 🙂 I’m not even sure how people can wear those.

  10. AREEEEEE!! You knw what. When I went to the Levis store with my WAISTLAND….They said to me.Skinny jeans will make u look more huge at the bottom mam! Boot cuts with make ur thighs look more fat mam! High waist will emphasis you waist mam!
    I asked them to shut up and went and bought a wrangles jeans!
    And then I lost some weight because of being sick and tired of shopping.

  11. Ha Ha. Cool one. I have my own experience with low raise jeans – not my own but somebody else’s. Most of my mock exams during my MBA preparations were wrecked by girls in low raise jean on the desk in front of me. How is a man to focus on quantitative and data interpretation problems with a lady’s underwear staring him in the face every time he raises his head from his exam paper. Thankfully these girls spared me in the real exam.

  12. lol this one is hilarious 😀 i couldn’t stop laughing while reading this post 😀 but I do know the pain of going for shopping and not finding what you want as I have experienced it quite a few times 😛 loved the transition of jeans pic at the end 😀

  13. After a mentally exhausting week, this post was what I needed to cheer me up! Hilarious Sid! 🙂 So are you wearing these jeans to the meet?? 😉

      1. Beware Sid, all those who have read this post and are planning to be at the meet tomorrow might want a seat behind you for some extra entertainment 😉

        1. Yes, that’s what I was worried about. I’m going to see if I can find one of those “sheikh” clothes which covers you from top to bottom. Failing which, I always have the trusty lungi 😛 or Dhoti

  14. Oh dear…you had better take a full-length photo of yours and make it your DP on Facebook soon. I do want to see what you look like in those jeans!
    I went jeans shopping a couple of months ago (after ages) and was surprised that there are as many ‘types’ of fit as there are cornflakes these days. Quite ridiculous, really!

    1. Lol…..Maybe someday Rickie 🙂 Might guarantee me enough hits 😛 I know what you mean. What happened to buying a simple pair of normal jeans. Must they take whatever little joy was left in shopping ? Thanks for stopping by !

  15. Umm…if you’ve bought low rise jeans, you ought to pair it with low rise undies.I think its time for yet another shopping expedition and a post that bares it all 😀

  16. Such a hilarious post Sid. Your ability to laugh at your own situations is the best thing about your post. I do so hate this particular fashion you are mentioning and let me tell you even us ladies face the same problems. All the damn jeans available today are low waist!!! and by god, we are already on 2014!!

  17. That was hilarious! My teenage brother is a die hard fan of these low waist slim fitting jeans…. the moment I see him in those, I feel like kicking him so hard. And back in college, we had some free bumster shows from the guys sitting in front of us, the way they would get up when some teachers ask them questions….God!!!!

    1. Thanks Sheethal. Now, I kind of know what makes you come to my blog. Fiction and humor 😛 Oh, those poor guys. SAdly, they still show them even now. And it’s not a pretty sight is it ? 😛

  18. Ohhh my god, that was hilarious! You know there’s one thing I’ve realized, fashion is for the slim! High rise, low rise whatever look good on lean frames, coz they wudnt advertise them that way. I never had any problems before fitting into clothes and finding the perfect dress etc etc…but one year into being a mommy and I find myself looking for clothes that ‘camouflage’. I don’t even look at whats IN now!

    1. Mirage, welcome to my humble blog where I ramble on and on often about such trivial things 😀 Actually, you’re true. I am yet to see an advert where the jeans or any kind of clothes are actually advertised for “normal” people. Lucky you (I mean the pre-mommy you). Lucky you again, for being a mommy 😀
      I know the feeling, my wife took it pretty rough too. And then she went on a diet. And then all hell broke loose; but that’s a post for another day 😛

  19. Amazing post, Sid. You have the aptitude to make serious post fun to read. Am I right? I have a confession to make: I was hooked on fashion shows and do retail therapy from time to time. Your post reminds me of spending hours at ma fav Levi’s store wo buying nethg:)

    1. Thanks Vishal. Life mein kaafi seriousness hai na already:) Well, there’s no need of a confession buddy. Each one to their own. I’ve spent hours browsing and left without buying anything. But of course, I have a valid reason now:P

    1. Thanks Pooja. Oops, I’m not sure he’s going to be too happy with this post 🙂 Well, hopefully never! They are magical ones. How else would you explain them staying on?

  20. 😆

    buying a good pair of jeans – normal ones without any of the frills is tough !! We ladies have too many choices.. but when you go looking for that blue jeans that’s comfortable and not fashionable – one gets looks…

  21. ROFL…Sid this post is hilarious. OMG I am still rolling on the floor. You have captured my shopping woes really. One of the reasons I like shopping alone, too much time will be wasted on finding one thing that would fit and there is a high chance that you won’t like that one thing. Hahahaha coming back to the fashion trend, it is horrible. It gives me creeps. I really don’t get the point of superman chaddha and boxers showing just under your jeans. I mean…why o why?? Hahaha I still can’t get over the last Image!

    1. Ah, I finally managed to get you off your phone and comment. Or maybe comment via the phone :P. I am super glad that I managed to deliver your dose of Friday evening laughter. I too like to shop alone precisely for the same reason. Also I hate condescending salespeople. They look at me and say….I dont think we have clothes that fit you. Bloody. If I want to pay 3000rs for a pair of jeans you better bloody have them. As for the fashion sense, we will never understand

    1. It’s so frustrating. I know I’m round, but even my normal sized wife struggles to find proper jeans that fit. I mean, what happened to all the “normal” jeans. I can’t find a shirt which isn’t slim fit. Thanks Alka, It made my FRiday that this made you smile 🙂

  22. “I was also secretly curious to find out who that rather unique person was, who had my waist size and such pencil-thin thighs.” – Ha ha ha. I’m sharing this. For me, you know that’s enough said! 😀

    1. ….and let this be known. Today, I have achieved “cult” status!! That’s another check box ticked on my “things to achieve as a writer” notepad. Oh yes, I have one of those !

  23. I have no idea why people want to pay a bomb for clothes that don’t even cover vital parts of their anatomy. They might as well use fig leaves! *snort*

    1. Dagny, that’s “New” fashion. Something that you and I will probably never ever understand 🙂 But that’s not to say you aren’t fashionable. You are the epitome of fashion elegance !

  24. I am with you on the clothes fitting bit.. Which is why I get my jeans custom tailored.

    I am not that bothered about undies or bum cracks showing.. I just find it weird that people would wear such clothes, but still spend time adjusting their clothes

  25. haha…I never read a post on shopping and fashion by a man and honestly I don’t think any woman can write it better! and the transition of jeans from 2000 onwards is hilarious!

    1. Thanks Naba 🙂 Once we make peace (or is that piece) with fashion, it’s very easy to understand that fashion and shopping are sometimes better left to people who know what they are doing 🙂

  26. This one was seriously hilarious! Healthy or not, I’ve often wondered why do they have these low rise jeans? I hate any underwear peeping out too. Seriously, they should get real with the fits. And I loved the cartoon in the end :).

    1. Yes, the healthy dig was rather un called for. But then again, it’s not a fair world is it 😛
      Well, atleast the situation is much better here in India. Back in London, uff, I can’t even begin to describe it! Thanks Rachna 🙂

  27. Hahaha this is hilarious… Absolutely hilarious 😀 oh poor you, I am laughing at your expense .. But then fate made you flaunt after all 😛 show us some photos… Don’t be shy 😛

    1. Glad you’re having your quota of Friday laughter 🙂 Yes, it’s like they say isn’t it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade or something similar like that. As for flaunting, sorry no way ! Shy is coming, as one of my dear friends would say!

  28. Hahah. Enjoyed the post immensely- mainly cos am also in the larger side and have such a tough time finding clothes :((

    I too dont get this concept of showing off your underwear.. A friens of mine always ends up buying jeans that looked like my dog had a go at it- ragged ans torn in odd places and she pays a bomb for em (just buy normal jeans and give em to me, i shall get Floppy to add the new designs i tell em and laugh it off)
    Loved that final image of the jeans becoming ankle boots.

    1. I understand Aarti. It sure is a tough world there. Yes, I think you should put Floppy to good use. After all, “raggedy” design is seemingly the in-thing now 🙂

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