Honey, I shrunk the jeans!

“Jeans represent democracy in fashion” – Giorgio Armani

I’d have to be crazy not to agree with the great man.  From baggy flares to flashy boot cuts and  ‘I-can-see-your-coin-slot’ ones to ripped jeans that cost more than a regular pair – the world of jeans seems to have changed quite rapidly. However what he may have conveniently forgotten is that sometimes democracy leads us make choices that are sometimes very …let’s say questionable.

Some may call it evolution; but seeing some of these trends, I can only call it a severe case of ‘What the heck were they thinking?’ And to make things a lot more interesting, I recently learnt that Google is collaborating with Levi’s to create a new denim fabric. Codenamed Project Jacquard, you’ll soon be able to run your hands over your jeans to control your phone. While they’re sort of breathing new life into the term ‘butt-dial’, somehow I can’t help picturing the below scene.


Of course, I digress. Project Jacquard can wait. Let’s just say the future looks quite ‘touchy-feely’.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you may be familiar with my trysts around a particular kind of fashion trend that had us all by the ‘crack of our behinds’ up until a few years back. [If you haven’t, you may want to check this piece out].

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that my fashion sense is not really top-notch. In fact, if anything, it has become progressively ‘less interesting’ as the years have gone by. I’m a 30-something rotund (which is just the sweeter version of the word : fat) adult male who somehow managed to snag a woman who was definitely out of his league and now resides happily with her and their 3-year old son. That’s not to say that all married and settled men don’t have good fashion sense. I’m solely  talking about me.

My fashion sense is now limited to having decent clothes that cover parts that need to be covered and of course, any ‘jiggly’ bits. Of course, if I were to continue consuming cakes as frequently as I do presently, I may soon need to settle for one of those long, flowing robes that the Arabs so fondly wear. You know, like a dishdasha. [Yes, I’ll wait till you finish Google-ing it.] But more on that, in another post.

So, as I said, my sense of fashion isn’t what you’d call ‘trendsetting’. But somewhere along the line, I seem to have missed the notice that a lot of other men seemed to have received. The notice that seems to have them convinced them that ‘Skinny (or Super Skinny *shudders*) jeans’ is perfect for them. Yes, the more tapered and narrowed version of the previously known ‘Slim fit’ jeans. In fact, you could probably fit 2 pairs of skinny and 4 pairs of super skinny jeans inside a single pair of slim-fit ones.

Now, in the interest of the ‘disclaiming’ (i.e. the art of writing a disclaimer), please note that I’m generalising. There are some men, who are so skinny and lean that they can actually slip into the above mentioned type of jeans. However, the majority of us, do not fall under that category. And even if you did, less than 5% of the male population can actually pull that look off. So, indulge my madness for a bit.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve seen enough adult males try to ‘strut their stuff’ in these ‘almost-second-skin’ jeans. Suffice to say that I don’t think it’s for most men. We just have far too many ‘dangly’ bits to pull this look off without the jeans hugging us in all the wrong places. You need to have a certain type of body and an almost ‘stick-figurine-type-leg-structure’ to make it look good. Needless to say, it’s not really something you’d ever catch me wearing. Additionally, I would rather wear something that will let me both sit and stand comfortably, without the fear that I might be arrested for indecent exposure.

There is a very fine (and thin, ironically) line that separates a fine-fitting pair of jeans and a product that could be confused with Lycra . If you still don’t believe me, Google ‘Men’s jeggings’ if you dare. And remember, you cannot un-see those images! It should suffice to say that there are pictures of men in skinny jeans and leggings that cross that above-mentioned line. And some more. Perhaps even showing things that should only be visible in the comforts of one’s own home. *shudders*

There are some scientific studies that say that these skinny jeans may cause infertility in men because of the ..well…rather cramped space down (or is that up?) there. On a positive note, all the suffocation down (again, up?) there may just help control population. After all, it takes forever (and perhaps an army) to take them off. [Not the other thing, you dirty-minded people!]

Of course, some of you blessed folks who can get into these super skinny jeans are going to say that I’m just jealous, given my Kung-Fu Panda-esque shape. To them, I offer a bite of this cake that I’m presently devouring. For the rest of us ‘shapely’ people, if you want to experience how it really feels to try to get into a pair of super skinny jeans, it’s simple. Just wash your smallest and snuggest (is that a word?) pair of jeans at least three times back-to-back, and then try to slip into it while it’s still wet.  Good luck getting it past your thighs.

This is probably why experts say we mustn’t wash jeans  too frequently. Maybe if we wash it enough times, it’ll turn into skinny fit.

[tweetthis twitter_handles=”@iwrotethose” display_mode=”box”]So unless you’ve got skinny genes, best to avoid skinny jeans. [/tweetthis]


PS. While I may have next to zero fashion knowledge, common sense dictates that everyone should find types of jeans that fit their shape and size. Unless you want to look like this.



Img src: Cartoonaday.com
Img src: Cartoonaday.com

So, do you? 

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  1. ohh god there’s a thing like men’s jegging !!! Why !!! I did check the google … and no I don’t think I should explain further.
    Hilarious read 😛 Absolutely enjoyed reading it.
    I love my skinnies… even though it takes me ages to fit my gut in it… twisting and turning and pulling at the seams … specially after a good wash. Damn those things shrink !!
    Rajlakshmi recently put up this awesome post : When I was TROLLED !!My Profile

    1. Haha! Told ya…you can’t unsee somethings.
      Thanks a lot, Rajlakshmi. Appreciate the shares too.
      Well, must be all the yoga that’s letting you fit in skinny jeans. If you can pull it off, absolutely why not, I say 🙂
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  2. Skinny jeans are a no no for me. Anything that’s not comfortable is also a no no. Comfort over looks is my mantra and i guess you can guess my age by that comment 😀
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  3. I have new respect for skinny jeans.
    Ask me why?
    I can fit into them now, without having to rupture nerve endings or cut off blood supply!!
    I know I’m bragging 😛
    But, it kind of feels good – that I don’t have to worry about fitting into skinny jeans (my size of course.)
    But, then again – aren’t jeans comfort clothing? Nowadays, with the super skinny jeans and the tassels and the tears – its hard to see what they are originally meant for – comfort!

    On a different note – did you know that the torn jeans are called “boyfriend jeans”? I wonder why?
    is it because a girl has a boyfriend (what about a boy who is a friend?) and he is so overcome with whatever it is – he takes a pair of scissors and cuts her jeans?
    Points to ponder if you ask me… 😛 😀

  4. Skinny jeans/jeggings – all instruments of pure torture. It’s tough to stuff your stuff in them, isn’t it? I liked the idea of the dishdasha (to which you so kindly provided a link). Indian women have their own parallel to it – the nightie. Even apna salwar kurta is good to hide whatever you have to hide.
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  5. haha…I don’t like seeing men in skinny jeans, they just don’t seem, well, manly enough! Does that even make sense? I guess I have become old or something..But seriously sometimes, actually most of the times, I can’t understand these fashion trends…For me fashion is about being comfortable, being able to breathe and also looking decent (It doesn’t mean one needs to be completely covered but just aesthetic to see) Women hae skinny jeans which are like leggings and are comfortable..I’m not sure men wearing such clothes would (for the lack of the appropriate word) look nice?
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    1. It makes perfect sense, Naba. Which is why I wrote the post 🙂
      Fashion should be about being comfortable. I can only hope that those men in skinny Jeans are comfy

  6. Haha.. That was again a fun read.. Have already imagined you in dishdasha, and you don’t want me to narrate it here, do you? I love wearing skinny jeans, they suit just perfect and accentuates the look of any top that you’re wearing. Needless to say, I barely like men wearing skinny jeans.. it somehow looks weird to me..


  7. Hahaha…that was rip-roaringly funny Sid! I always wonder at the window display mannequins, why dont they make ’em more human…err..more like a regular human size?! Ripped jeans….sad. Low waist…shudder. Stretch jeans with high waist….God’s gift to well-endowed bodies 😉

  8. Did you add the ripped jeans part after yesterday’s meet? 😛

    Project Jacquard? I mean WTF!

    I would so love to see you in a dishdasha! Throw in the hat and we are all set! 😀

    In my opinion men should stay clear off skinny jeans no matter how skinny they are. Because skinny jeans always fit like second skin and some areas of men should not fit like second skin. You will not believe the number of double 0s and sevens I have seen walking around oflate. Some images you can’t just unsee can you? Especially if you have seen them live.

    Skinny jeans is something that I haven’t and will never ever let go off. As a woman I think it flatters my body well and makes me look good. But then again it is always about opinion and comfort. I have seen some woman too fitting into skinny jeans that I could count the layers of fat through their jeans 20 feet away. I pity those seams!

    And who says you are not fashionable? How many men do we see walking around with a man purse these days? 😛
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    1. You never know, Soumya – I must just have 😉
      Yes, the post was primarily focussed at ‘men in skinny jeans’ – women I think, to an extent can carry it off quite nicely. As I said, there are far too many dangly bits 😛

      Of course, I’m bringing Joey’s man purse back into fashion.

      Thanks for that long and detailed commment
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : Honey, I shrunk the jeans!My Profile

  9. I like the stretchy jeans available these days but prefer the high waisted ones. No back cleavage for me. Ewww. But it is becoming increasingly difficult to find those high waisted ones – have to hunt for them. A few months ago i was so fed up I simply walked into the men’s section and picked up a couple of regular jeans and they fit perfectly. Should have seen the look on the showroom guy’s face! Sigh. Men’s jeggings eh? I like the women’s jeggings though! Very comfortable!
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    1. Haha! I like the usage of that word – ‘back cleavage’ 😉
      I guess the high-wasted ones are almost out of fashion. Someday they may make an appearance once again – you know, like retro ones.
      Men’s jeggings – less said the better 🙂
      Thanks, Vidya. Always a pleasure to see you here.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : Honey, I shrunk the jeans!My Profile

  10. The quote by Baba Armani is just so apt. And stop teasing us with your cake.

    Why, only yesterday I went shopping for jeans. Levi’s is offering 50% off but the high waist ones were not on discount. Finally, I got what I wanted at Vibe, a new showroom. The post resonates me in many ways. 🙂

    1. Baba Armani ki Jai 🙂
      Like the song goes, ‘All we need is cake…’

      Oh yes! I checked them out too. Sadly they only had the ‘low waist’ one, which proved to be quite too low for my very shapely rear.
      I like that name -Vibe

      Glad you can relate to the post, Alka.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : Honey, I shrunk the jeans!My Profile

  11. I love skinny jeans. They are super sexy and comfortable. I don’t wear anything else now but yes I have slim legs. They look like a disaster if you have thick thighs or a huge butt. So I guess only wear them if they suit your body shape. Crack showing is yuck so I hope everyone must take care of it. Hey and only Levi’s for me. They fit me perfectly. 🙂 With jeans you just have to find the right brand and pair and then just live in it. 🙂
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    1. Lucky you! Well, not entirely – I also know you workout regularly 🙂
      As you probably guessed, the post was mainly aimed at men trying to pull of super skinny and skinny jeans, not so much at women. I’ve personally had a few friends who’ve tried to ‘fit’ in and well, let’s say, while they thought they looked hot, some of the women (and some of us men too) weren’t too happy to see their crotch area highlighted. I’ll leave it at that 🙂

      Ooh..yes, Levi’s work for me too. I love them. And I agree so much with you about finding the right brand and pair.
      Sid recently put up this awesome post : Honey, I shrunk the jeans!My Profile

  12. I think it’s safer if I didn’t comment on this post. 😉 Me being me, I’ll still do it anyway. I think comfort should take priority over everything else. That’s my mantra for dressing up always. But I’ve seen some people carry off skinny jeans really well. Yes, even if they are not comfortable. I don’t know how they do it though. Guess it comes down to comfort in your skin and your clothes finally.
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    1. I wondered why I hadn’t received a comment for you yet. Oh no, I’m seen people carry them off effortlessly. But some others- less said the better. If you want nightmares, kindly to be googling 🙂
      Plus it’s meant to be a satire; generalising is needed 😄

  13. oh God, Fashion these days is trouble with a new name. It changes before people could settle with it. God knows, where will it evolve to next! And some people have to try everything that comes in the market, gladly ignoring their image in the mirror.

    1. True that, Nibha. Fashion evolves rather quickly; and truth be told, I see no harm in that. Just wish people would look in the mirror once 🙂

  14. Have..same for ladies too. All we get in branded shops are skinny, slim fit,jeggings. We want more mommy jeans. I don’t even want to talk about the tops.

  15. That coin slot…Dad calls it a post box and tells my kids to start throwing pebbles into them. Seriously, I am not against anybody’s choice but one must have some sense of decency at least while dressing in public. For me it is comfort and not fashion that has mattered. Always and always!
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  16. hmm… I hate tight ones too .. But of course, I’m probably more “shapely” than you are .. :).. Ive read articles scientifically explaining that its not good to wear very tight clothes .. And I too believe in being comfortable first, It helps carry yourself better !

    1. I guess there is enough research to show that ridiculously tight clothes bring on their own health concerns. I can’t believe, people are ready to sacrifice comfort for that. Oh well, each one to their own, I suppose. Thanks for dropping by, Smita.
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  17. If only we all wore what felt comfortable than blindly following fashion trends, the world would be a more happier, healthier place to be.
    But, crazy, super skinny trends exist, just like the mania for size-zero figure. I am with you in believing there is no shame in calling myself round, after all that’a shape, right?
    So enjoy that delicious slice of cake and wear what keeps you comfy 🙂
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  18. If only people wore what looked good on them and not the latest fashion trend our eyes would have been saved so much horror. And this goes for both men and women. As far as fashion sense goes though, I am the believer of the style ‘let me breathe’, so I have never tried to to fit myself into super skinny or smll clothes
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