Let’s face it - women and men are different. And not just physically. We’re inherently wired differently; we communicate differently; we understand the same words and phrases, but interpret them differently; we express emotions, but differently; and yes, we execute things, very very differently. Yes, we’re so different, that sometimes it’s a wonder how men and women manage to be in a relationship with each other, without everything falling apart. But then again, in scientific terms, I suppose positives and negatives attract each other. From time immemorial, women have always complained that we men do not really understand them. We pretend to, but we really don’t. And honestly, I think it’s true. When in a relationship, men tend to try and make things work, sometimes pretending and sometimes hoping that we know what you want. Which brings me to the age old question that still stumps every living man who has been in a relationship, with a woman - What do women want?
But today’s post is not about what women want. There’s no way that a man could ever write a comprehensive list, article or book on what women really want. Today’s post is a bit of a refresher course for my female readers, who are in or have been or want to continue being in a relationship with a man. If you haven’t realised it already, men are quite complex creatures too, just like you lot. But since we are so crap at expressing ourselves, here’s a bit of run-down on some of the things, we men would love for you to know about us, but will rarely say.
One again, before I go ahead - I’m in no way an expert, nor do I intend to give Dr.Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) a run for his money. I’m merely sharing a few guy-isms, that work for most men. As in any case, there are always going to be exceptions. So, without further ado - here goes:
Nothing, usually means just that
Yes, we men know that nine out of ten times, when you ladies answer one of our questions with the magical word “Nothing”, we’re in trouble. Simply because there is always something. But for us, nothing usually just means nothing. Have you ever caught your man looking like he was stoned, but he actually wasn’t? In reality, it would have looked like he was gazing out into the horizon and lost in deep thought. And you being you, would want to help him out and share the burden of whatever was bothering him. So you ask him “What’s wrong? What were you thinking about? Anything I can do to help?” And he answers “Nothing”. Though you may find it difficult to comprehend, that’s what it is. We men are completely capable of switching off and sitting there gazing out into infinity without a single thought in our heads. Well, most of us anyway.
We hate to ask for directions /instructions
We men pride ourselves on a few things. Being able to drive and get all of us from Point A to Point B (even if we don’t know the route) is high on the dude radar. So we try and use technology and maps to get there. Whilst women may be more than happy to use all available resources to reach the destination, we will rigidly stick to our original “system” - even if we’re lost. Similarly we hate to ask for instructions. We have the underlying confidence that we can figure it out. There’s another reason - we’re fixers by nature. Blame it on the hormones I’d say; we’re hardwired to try and fix stuff - be it broken relationships or a broken toaster. And we love to do it without vocally asking for help. Even if we have to rely on the internet and google the crap out of it, we will do so, to avoid asking for directions or instructions. For us, asking someone else, is almost akin to admitting defeat and seeking counsel. Yes, I know - we’re egotistic too. And yes, this behaviour of ours, probably drives you mad, but what can I say - it’s in the genes.
Opinion on dresses
When you ask us if you look good, always expect the answer to be yes. If we are in a relationship with you, then consider it a given that you look good to us. Yes, we’re shallow when it comes to looks. If you’re asking us to choose between outfits, please give us only a couple of choices. Any more, and we start losing the will to live. While we’re on the topic, if we offer to help you while you’re getting ready, then it means you’re late. And during these times, please refrain from asking us to pick up an outfit for you. We will invariably pick the wrong attire and it will make us even more late.
We LOVE sports
It’s just one of those things that’s again wired into us. Though the kind of sports we like might vary from person to person, for us men, watching a game is almost devotional in aspect. Yes, we know we can just get the scores off the internet, or get updates on our phone. But it would almost be sacrilegious if we did not watch the game live and in our own fashion of putting our feet up on the table, drinking a beer or coke and munching on a bowl of bad-ass crisps. And you know what, if you love us, take a chance and enjoy the game with us - we will love you even more for that. There’s no better way to bond, than your wife/partner and you, enjoying a sports game with genuine interest. Same thing goes for video games.
We are oblivious to detail
The next time you ask us “Do you remember what I wore for our first date?” or “Do you remember when you bought those earrings for me?”, don’t be surprised if you hear a “Mmmm….” followed by a made up answer. Unfortunately for us, we seem incapable of remembering any kind of detail. Research shows that women are better at remembering because they place a higher priority on “remembering” than men do. So the next time, if there’s something that you really want us to remember, make sure we write it down or program it somewhere, like on a calendar or note. If not, I’m afraid, its quite likely we won’t remember it.
Yes, again, we’re a strange bunch. For us sitting with you in front of the tv, on the couch, with a nice glass of wine and some food is date night too. Sometimes we just need to be with you, without the added pressure of dressing up and going some place nice. So the next time, this happens, please don’t think "He'd rather stare at the TV than be with with me.” Think of it as "There's no place he'd rather be, than with me!"
Yes - we have emotions. No - we don’t express them
We men have a tough time expressing our emotions. We find it incredibly difficult to process these “feelings". Blame it on the stereotyping - with things like boys don’t cry, and real men need to be strong, confident and stoic. Yes, we might be all those things, but the moment we show a bit of emotion, we’re labelled a wuss. So invariably we start to equate emotions with weakness, and we’re trained to bottle them up. Sometimes the best way to help us is to let us deal with our crap ourselves. If we need to open up, we would rather open up to you, than one of our guy friends. But don’t let our inability to express emotions be a deterrent to you to open up to us, when you’re down. On the other hand, we secretly like it when you cry and are an emotional wreck. It gives us a chance to lend you that shoulder to cry on and makes us feel, strangely enough, manly. Oh, and we do get really emotional about sports.
We are egoistic
Ladies - If you’re in a relationship with a man who says he has no ego, then he’s lying. Our ego is like a balloon - it can either be very slowly inflated and delicately deflated or burst with the small prick of a needle. Inflict a wound on our ego, and it can be quite fatal for the relationship. But that’s not to say that we don’t take feedback positively. We do. But just make sure that you boost our self-esteem first, and then gently let us down.
Sickness turns us into babies
Accept it. When we succumb to man-flu, we are as needy as a newborn baby. We will demand your undivided attention and expect cuddles and comfort food every now and then. Also be prepared to bite your tongue as we occasionally mention how our mom used to take care of us when we were ill, and how she used to make a special bowl of our favourite soup and garnish it with some amazing stuff.
Gifts - Help us, please!
When it comes to giving gifts, please realise and understand that we are about as clueless as a five year old boy dealing with complex Math sums. Most of us, experience a certain panic, closer towards those special dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, valentines day and others. The pressure of nailing the best gift is enough to drive us to tears. Trust us, we do put in a lot of thought into what we need to get you. But sometimes (actually more often than I’d care to point out), we make mistakes and buy you something that you really do not need.
I remember the time I bought my wife one of the latest tablets for our anniversary. Though not a technophobe by a mile, I still remember the look of despair on her face, when she unwrapped the gift. My reason for buying it- she was always on my iPad; so I thought it’ll help her ( and me ) if she had one of her own; after all I knew she liked it. Her take on it was - i love using “our iPad”. Since we already have one in the house, you should have maybe spent the money on getting me something else like a new handbag, or that platinum earring I showed you 2 months ago when we passed the jewellers.
So ladies, unless you are ready to drop a hint or just come out and tell us what you’d like, there is a really high chance that you might end up with something that you really did not want in the first place.
Your man is the funniest guy you know. Period
I really can’t stress that enough. Nothing gives a man more pleasure (well, some things do, but let’s keep in a bit more family oriented shall we?) than his woman laughing at one of his jokes and sometimes even exclaiming how funny he is. Yes, I know - we’re quite peculiar. But never ever laugh harder at another man’s joke….well, unless we’re at a comedy club. It makes us feel really insecure. And trust me, you do not want an insecure partner.
Multi-tasking is beyond us - well most of us anyway
Most of us can do one thing properly - the activity that we’re involved in at any given time. Some of us can possibly do one additional activity too, but they too are a rare species. We give that one thing we’re involved in, our complete and un-divided attention. So when you ask us to fold those freshly laundered clothes whilst watching the game on TV, you can be rest assured that the folding job is going to be shabby at best. Yes, we know - you super women can cook, help kids with their home work, lay the table and read a book simultaneously, while we find it difficult to answer a simple question with the TV on. Strangely enough though, we can simultaneously press all the buttons on our video game console at once. Go Figure.
We love you to bits, but yes, we will steal the odd glance at the hot girl
Yes, it’s true. And if you haven’t caught your man stealing the odd glance at a pretty girl, then either you’re not looking properly or your man is a genius (in which case, ask him to email me - I really need to master that art). And it’s not because we want to cheat. Its just that we men are visually stimulated. Most of the times, we will pretend to not have noticed that girl, just to make sure you don’t feel insecure. See - we care. And please, us sneaking a glance, does not mean we are not interested in you. We very much are - it’s just a testosterone thing. Think of it as the same way you gawk at Hugh Jackman when he takes his shirt off and we’re ok with it.
We like shopping; Notice - like, not love
Yes, we like shopping. Well, maybe not shopping, but walking around in a shopping mall with you, is something we can live with. But we will never “love” shopping the way women do. Again, I generalise. I personally know women who hate shopping. Coming back to us, we will tag along with you and offer our opinion on whatever you ask us to offer an opinion on. But more than a couple of hours, and we will lose it. Oh while we’re on it, please don’t ever ask us to hold your handbag in a public place, unless we have to. It’s …well, let’s just say makes us feel a bit un-manly.
Praise us in the kitchen
If we attempt to prepare a meal, no matter how feeble the attempt, be it washing the spaghetti or precisely cutting those onions, please do give us the same degree of praise as you would shower on your toddler when he/she takes their first steps.
We need “Cave” time
Before we get into this, I’d like to ask a couple of questions to all the wonderful women reading this post. Don’t women ever need “me-time”? I mean, where you are left alone, without a care in the world, and not wondering about work or life, or anything else? How do you de-stress? Well, us men, we de-stress by being alone. We could read, watch a game or a movie, play some video games - i.e. doing something completely un-related to whatever caused us the stress in the first place. Doesn’t mean we’re loners; when we retreat into our cave or den, its sort of like we’re going on a mini-vacation. Let us be and we’ll be back with you in no time. Push us and it’ll end up in an argument.
Befriending strange men - takes time
We take our time to be friendly with a complete stranger, especially so, if it’s a man. So when you invite over you new best friend and her husband/partner to visit us, do spare us both a thought, if we (i.e. the guys) don’t hit it off. We will (hopefully) eventually. But it takes time. We spend a lot of time sussing each other out, and as you can guess, we don’t usually make a lot small talk. With you maybe, but not with another guy. In case you’re still wondering, here’s a classic example. Remember the awkward Mike and Ross “hang-out date” from FRIENDS (Season9)? That’s true!
Refresh your memories with this clip: Clip
Starting an important conversation
Ladies, remember this - try not to start an important conversation when we’re watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading or when we’ve just come home from work. We might pretend to listen, but in reality our minds are on things like “Will my team win?, I’m really hungry!, this book is pretty damn good, How do i complete that project". As I mentioned earlier, we give our undivided attention to one thing at time. During moments like these, we do not ignore you because we know you’ll be hurt. If we respond in someway, you’ll figure out that we weren’t listening. So we just nod and let you talk. We might even be able to say the last word you spoke, but that doesn’t mean we were listening. Oh, and yes - Never speak to us when we’re on the other side of the toilet/bathroom. We hate being spoken to or making conversation whilst on the loo. It’s just not the right thing to do. Wow, that rhymes.
With all of these (and more) quirkiness, sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you.
So, thank you !
Images courtesy : Google Image Search | DailyMail | The New Yorker | iesmyoga.com | platosacademic.com | Pinterest.com | amarudont.tv |
I've decided to add this note as an after thought. When I initially wrote the post, I was slightly worried about a backlash from the men. However I'm glad that hasn't quite materialised. But I've discovered something else. If you read all the comments below, you'll find something there - every woman who's in a relationship with a man, has actually stood up proudly and said, whilst I agree on most points, my man is so different because of points a,b,c (that's just random numbering by the way). And that makes me realise something. Women must love men, more than men love women.