Then, now and .....


You often hear people saying that a lot of things change after marriage. Yes, they do. Perhaps, not as drastically as the movies describe, but yes, things do change over a period of time. From the way you fight or argue with each other to 'at-home' date nights, a lot of things change. For most of us, that's also the first experience of 'living together' and you start to note certain mannerisms, that perhaps, you did not earlier. But, I'd rather go with the popular adage and say that "We all 'mature' as a couple!" (snigger)

 However, these transformations are minor when compared to how things change when you become a parent for the first time.

I stress ‘first time’, not because I think it's any easier if you have more kids. I lay emphasis on it , because the first time, you’re not quite sure what to expect and the changes hit you. Constantly. Frequently. Unexpectedly.

To rephrase the words of the famous comedian, Jerry Seinfeld :

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”

It’s pretty darn accurate. Except for one thing. It’s not just for two-year olds. Whoever coined the term ‘terrible twos’ conveniently forgot to mention something. The ‘twos’ are just a warm-up phase for the ‘Terrorist threes’. Yes, I said the T word. Because these Three year olds, or threenagers as they are fashionably called these days, are quite capable of making even an atheist call out to the Almighty for help.

To cut a long story short, they really tire you out.

No, it’s not all bad. There are plenty of positives of having a threenager around the house. They genuinely want to help you. They actually speak, rather than just mumble random and incoherent words and phrases. They are well and truly capable of eating most things by themselves. It's perhaps a different point, that they throw tantrums that'll make a 'celebrity diva' go blue in the face, but largely, they have their positives.

But as one famous scientist/physicist, who discovered something magical when he was hit on the head by an apple, once said:

'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’.

So, in spite of all their cuteness and the smiles that they effortlessly plaster on our faces, the other side of this 'reactive' coin would be that,  a threenager could effectively tire you out. I use the world ‘tire’ lightly. The more accurate phrase would be ‘suck the very life out of you and then wring you out to dry’.  If you don't have help (be it in the form of grandparents, relatives or domestic-help), you can be absolutely certain that you'll give an arm and a leg for some 'me-time' or some time with your spouse.

Hence, it shouldn't really surprise anyone as to why the parents are more than happy to oblige, when one set of grandparents offers (after you leave plenty of not-so-subtle hints) to take the kid off your hands for a night.  After all, what better way to 'rekindle' some of that fire of passion between a loving couple, than giving them some private time.

Keeping that in mind, let's take a look at what could potentially happen to the parents of a toddler/threenager, when the kid is away for the night.

6:30 p.m. , friday

He: hanging up the phone It’s sorted. My parents can watch him for the night.

She: apprehensively Really? Are you sure they’ll be ok?

He: Oh, yes! It’ll be absolutely fine. After all, they raised me. And I turned out fine.

She: smirks Do you really want to go there?

He: Avoids the stare and picks up one of the toys lying around Can you get him dressed? I’ll pack his spare clothes and get his bag ready.

An hour or so later,

He: feeling relieved It feels strange. I miss him, yet I’m strangely content.

She: sliding into the couch beside him Yes, it does. But I guess he’ll be fine.

He: nods as he puts his hand around her Wow! We have the entire evening ahead. Do you want to do something?

She: looks into his eyes and smiles shyly

He:  grins as he assumes the shy smile to be a signal of sorts, back from the time they were dating

He: gets up from the sofa and looks at the time  It's 730 p.m. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

She: blushes as she smiles coyly Yes! 

[Kids, if you’re reading this, look away now. Things are about to get very ‘adult-rated’]
a very short while later
 *Sounds of passionate kissing reverberates throughout the dimly lit room, as  a soft romantic ballad plays in the background. As the lead pair in the rom-com playing on the television, continue to  go at it like rabbits, the ambience is disturbed by the gentle rhythmic breathing of the parents, who have fallen asleep on the couch, their half-drunk glasses of wine threatening to fall from their hands any moment now. *


As some wise person said:

[bctt tweet="You know you're a parent, when your fantasies are mostly about sleeping. "]


Some creative liberties have been taken. 

If you're a parent who has already been through these 'formative and change-inducing' years, you know exactly what I mean. And respect to you.

If you're a parent with kids  under the age of 4, you have a high-five from me. We're all in the same boat.

If you're a soon-to-be parent or part of a couple considering 'having children', please don't let my posts scare or worry you. It really isn't all that bad. And you will have plenty of time for each other. And by plenty of time, I mean, those minutes before bedtime and the ones before your kids wake up in the morning . But I assure you, the joy that they can give you is truly unending. Just like the pain you may get when you repeatedly step on their toys. 

 Image courtesy: Pixabay / License: CC0 Public Domain